Reasons For My Absence

Well, mainly, because I've been busy.

Alright?

And, to be fair, it seems to have paid off. I'd noticed that I was spending too much time blogging about boringcrappyworkstuff and almost no time about writing.

Mainly because I hadn't been doing any writing.

Which was bad.

So I stopped blogging and starting writing. Like, properly writing again. I mean I was getting up in the morning and writing. I was writing for geet ages, every day. Yes. Everyday.

In fact, my original 80,000 target has even been slightly supassed. It's around 100,000 now.

Not only that, but it's at around 100,000 words and it's finished!

Oh yes!

I mean, obviously I'm now busy editing it and redrafting but... still... it's finished.

My Magic Dressing Gown has gone through the wash.

DK is unpulled and holidaying.

My New Writing Chair is once again being used as a clothes horse and my Penfold Mug is now once more in the cupboard and has had the ring of coffee muck (so long a staple of my diet) cleaned off.

Novel Two.

Finished.

So there!

*Missing? #2*

... Hang on...

Two seconds...

*Missing?*

Hello?

I am Teabag, hear me Lecture

I lectured the other day, down at Teesside Uni.
Well, less of a lecture really, more of a ramble with references but even so, it made me feel important. I like talking about writing, especially when I'm not talking about my own writing - I always feel like a little bit of a fraud when I'm asked to mutter things about my own writing - I've discovered that I quite like the academic side of the whole thing. The narratology bits and the discourse thingies and the stuff about creating realities and that. All good fun. Obviously I manage to sound slightly more clued up when I do the lecturery things and I bring in handouts because I'm blatantly mint, so yeah, all good fun.

What surprised me though is that when I was asked about what I'm writing now I still managed to sound, partly at least, as if I still knew what I was talking about.

I was talking about the solutions I'd "decided" on to problems that had "become apparent in the narrative or with the perspective." Which I found particularly surprising as I don't remember 'solving' anything. Ever. Least of all in my still-as-yet-unfinished-but-hopefully-ready-soon-manuscript.

Oh. And I'm using words like 'manuscript' now too rather than my generally used: 'pile of rude words'.

It's all very surprising, it turns out that I'm just thoroughly steeped in literature.

I mean, I am an English teacher so obviously some knowledge of books and some ability to speak in at least vague terms about them is necessary, but this new thing I'm doing is a little odd. I'm just one big literary teabag it appears. Tetley's probably, or Typhoo maybe. Own brand most likely. Certainly I'm not Twinings quality, not until I can get His Lord The Great Stephen Fry to Twitter about me, but you have to have ambition.

And I do have DK, so, you know - I'm already half way to quality tea aren't I?

I've forgotten what I was talking about...

... But I have just found some biscuits...

*furious gestured waving* Hey! Shhhhhhhh!! Hey? *jiggling eyebrows and head nodding* Psssst, hey!

i'm writing in lower case so they don't hear me and having nice long sentences to confuse them, just in case. if i'm really lucky they'll get bored and confused halfway through the sentences and then drift off somewhere else...

they've found me.

s'true.

the students.

they've found the blog, s'why i shut it down for a bit.

still... i think they've already forgotten about it now so i might be safe...

I'll have a shufty about and get back to you...

just hang on a sec...

Writing What I've Been Doing, Marking What I Hasn't Been Doing...

And no, before you ask I'm not writing about what I've doing nor am I attempting to mark what I've not been doing.

Although, marking work that was only supposed to be done would be a hell of a lot easier than marking work which has actually been done.

No, what I mean is:

I've been busy writing.

A Thousand Words a day since the first day of the hols, that's almost Ten Thousand done so far. (And yeah, ok, so that's not quite a thousand words a day but, you know, things happen. I ran out of coffee one day, my Magic Dressing Gown was being washed another day. These things are outside of my control.)

So, been writing. And it's going ok. It's all ticking along quite nicely. In fact, right now I'm just writing up the key murder, well, the "detective arrives at the murder scene" bit of the key murder anyway.

Wanna see ?

"Blue flashes throbbed through the street. the houses were huddled close together; barren lawns scattered with rubbish and forgotten furniture. Collapsed trampolines and twisted plastic tables, blasted and mangled sections of barbecues.

Curtains were open. Pale faces hung silent behind dark windows."

Course, now that the end is in sight, and it is, I'm heading into the pacey final act now my mind is already turning to the editing process which lies ahead. And it's gonna be a hefty one.

I already know that massive wodges of stuff need to be rewritten. I've got scenes I need to go back and add and others that need to be rearranged.

Still.

It's coming along.

And so boss, in case you're reading this, I'll not be getting much marking done.

Got other stuff to worry about...

Hey Everybody, Hey Dr Nik: A Step Too Far

Well. It was worth a shot. How's the phrase go? Aim for the moon and if you fall short you've still managed to burn up on reentry? Something along those lines?

No?

Nevermind.

You'll not remember but a while back I applied for my White Jacket and Fedora Hat Combo. And, in a sense I suppose, I succeeded.

I was offered a place, a very nice place too, with use of an office and kettle. (I'd travel with my DK, don't panic, I'm not a two kettle sort of guy. At work I use the Magic Hot Water Boiler Tap for coffee.)

Only problem, obviously, was the International Global Recession. Which has buggered my plans up right nice, how.

As proud as I was, am, at being offered a place the horrible truth was that the place was unfunded. The uni tried and I'm grateful that they did but money is tough to find. So no pennies for young Nik.

I've had to turn down the offer.

It's disappointing of course but I'm still young. (Yes I am. I am. Shut up, I am.) Plenty of time to get me Ma Fudd. And I will get Ma Fudd.

Only slight problem though is that it buggers up my immediate goals. I'm working toward my Stuff To Do Before I'm Thirty List at the minute. Technically I would BE thirty when I got Ma Fudd but I think it would still count.

So I'll have to resign myself to losing that one.

Still, I've already ticked a few off.

Published a novel. Tick.
Lived abroad. Tick.
Sky Dived. Tick.
Knocking down a wall with a mallet. Tick.
Played Football in a Proper Stadium. Tick. (Yes, Durham City's ground IS a proper stadium. It has a stand. So there.)

And I suppose it does give me more time to focus on the rest of my list which, I must admit, Ma Fudd would have gotten in the way of.

For example:

Publishing a Second, more Successful Novel. This is a recent addition but, maybe, will be as satisfying as swanning about in a white jacket and fedora hat. And I'm not too far off finishing. Finally.

Meeting a Juggling Monkey and Buying It a Drink. Really, this is one that I need to spend quite some time doing. I'm sort of thinking that perhaps this is unlikely, the only real solution would be train said monkey and distract the RSPCA long enough for us to have a quick pint. It's not an impossible dream. Really it's not. Research is obviously edging us toward this particular dream. I have proof.

Owning a Smoking Jacket and Pipe and a room in which they seem Appropriate.

Learning the difference between Effect and Affect. This, I know, should be an easy one but I feel that I need some of these in case I get to the Eve of the Thirty and have managed none of the above I need one I can do On The Spot to make myself feel better. Others include Learning to Stand on my Head and Throwing a TV through a window.

Anyways. Thought I'd share.