Monday, 25 January 2010


Reet then kids,

I'm offering an invitation.

The geet lurvely peoples at Northumbria Library Services are letting spend (almost) the whole day in their libraries running writing workshops.

I know.

I'm impressed too.

So, if anyone is free on the 17th Feb and fancy a free look out, some workshopping, writing and (w)rapping* then come see.

It's free.

So it costs nothing.

And it's a whopping TWO hours of writerly goodness.

With Coffee **

S0, it's Berwick Library in the morning 11-1pm and then Hexham Library on the evening 7 - 9pm.

There might even be pints afterward...

*(w)rapping entirely optional and most likely not actually part of the course.

** Maybe. I'm hoping so, or I'll die, but I'm not entirely sure...

Tuesday, 19 January 2010


I've been having a right nice old ponder over the last few weeks.

Right nice. Been pondering all over the place.

Pondered at Work, pondered at Otherwork. Pondered at home. Pondered in the shower. Also cleaned myself in the shower. Then pondered some more. I even had a little ponder in the car and at one point had a ponder before napping. I dreamed about pondering, obviously.

And all this pondering, really, is all about me. I've not been thinking great thoughts. Not even average ones to be honest. In fact most of them are a bit tame and unimaginative.

I'm not doing enough writing.

That's the long and short of it. I'm not doing enough writing and that upsets me. Now, it's no ones fault that I'm not writing except my own. I'm the one to blame here.

Nevertheless though, it's still a quandary.

Stephen wrote a while ago about a similar Time O' Great Pondering and he got me thinking (not pondering, as such, more of a consider).

He got me thinking about Patronage.

Now patronising I can do. I'm a teacher, it comes natural.

But what I really need is Patronage...

That would be cool.

Some rich landed gentry type wanting to get all cultural and so ... you know... supporting me. A bit like parents, only richer and with no obligation to like them/buy them Mother's Day or Father's Day gifts.

How great would it be? All of us hopeful writers and aspiring artists all been scooped up by one big happy money slapping gang of pretendy nobility...

And I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not greedy.

Really I'm not. And I'm not stupid, I'll be a bargain basement Cultural Collectible. I know this, and I'm ok with it.

I'm not expecting a a fancy city flat or an idyllic country cottage. I can do without a remote log cabin or the summer house by the river.

I can even cope without my own chef. Or butler. Really, I can. I'm willing to sacrifice that.

I'll be happy in the servants quarters, broadband connection allowing of course.

I'll fulfil my duties. I'll be glad to wander drunkenly at parties upsetting Lord Whatshisface and Lady Thingummyjob. I'll allow the gossip of the society pages. I'll even tweak my output to offer a suggestion of sympathy with my Patrons political opinions.

See? I'm not greedy. I'll work hard. I'll be good, or not, depending on what is required.

Really really.

So... Any rich potential patrons out there, drop me a comment eh? Lets see what can be arranged...

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Reasons Why I'm Great (Don't Worry, Should Be A Short Post This One. Possibly It'll Be Even Shorter Than The Title...)


Reasons why I am geet mint, how.
By Nicholas Jones, age 27 and a bit.

#1 Cos other people tell me I am.
#2 Cos I'm a bit full of mesel
#3 Cos I have a Disco Kettle and a Desk Henry.

There you go. Told you it was a short one. However, in case you're not convinced I'll expand a little bit. But only a little bit. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging.

#1 Cos Other People Tell Me I Am

I'm really quite chuffed with this one. Really really massively chuffed actually. It's always nice to hear good feedback about your writing or to hear people talking excitedly or emphatically or, in many cases I'll admit, disgustedly-but-still-sort-of-complimentary about 9987. Always. So feel free. Whenever you want to. I mean, there's a comments box at the bottom there, so... if you want to chip in... you know.

But, more impressive even than that is the fact that I won Book of the Year. Oh yes. The geet kick ass cool Jamieson Wolf rated 9987 The Bestest Most Mint Book Of The Year, Even Better Than Stephen King* which, obviously, I was pretty pleased with.

There is something special about fellow authors saying nice things I think, it means that even the Not So Good Comments are easier to take. In short, it gives a little extra confidence to shrug and remind myself that, really, I don't want to make everyone happy. It would make me feel dull.

So, geet muchos cheers to Jamieson, he even had the foresight to make his announcement on my birthday so extra special specialness.

#2 Cos I'm Geet Full Of Mesel

It's true, I'm all full up of mesel and the bits that make mesel up. All full.

#3 Cos I Have A Disco Kettle And A Desk Henry

Surely this doesn't need explaining. It obviously makes me King Of Cool Appliances. This is a fact the like of which could never be disputed. So There.

* Not his actual words but mine. I may be showing off a bit.