Wednesday, 28 January 2009


Holyjustaddwaterjesusitsthelaunchtomorrowandimfreeeeekingoutandhavenoideaifitllgotoplanorgoalltitsupandwhetheranyonewilleventurnupatallandwhethertherewillbebooksandstuffandidontthink ivegotanycleansocksandmyshirtisstillwetandmyjeanshaveholesinandillforgetmylinesandtheworldwillexplodeandkillusallandthatwouldbeshittyandawfulandwouldmeanthatiwouldntevengetmyfirst royaltycheckplusiwasinthepaperyesterdaywithafairlycrapphotowhichbythewaythekidsatworkhaveallseenandcutoutformeatobringinandshowmesonowihavelikesevencopieswhichislovelyintheory exceptofcoursenowtheyallwanttoreadityeahgreatexceptthatthebookissickandtwistedandnotreallysuitablefortwelveyearoldsandanywayalongsideonthepagewasastoryaboutadrunkteenagerwho threwatableoffabalconyorsomethingandanotherstoryaboutateenageshopliftingserialkillerorsomethinganywaypointisthisisallveryveryscary.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Announcing the Winners of the Kick Ass Cool Lesbian Nurses Competition.

Ok, so, finally the results are in. It took the Judges a lot of arguing, a little bit of violence and quite a bit of my wine but, at last, the decision has been made.

It was tough, really really it was. I had so many really good entries that, later - after the winners have had time to bask in their glory - I'm going to post a few of them for the world to enjoy, and see the problem facing the judges.

So, without too much more preamble and no more vague attempts to build any tension:

The Winners of the Kick Ass Cool Lesbian Nurses Competition!

"He was rude. I watched him push past others, heading for the pornography section. He probably used the oil in his hair for lube. Bastard."  - Jamieson Wolf 

The judges loved 'how much we hated this man', which is an odd comment to make about a winner I'll grant you, but hey - I had nowt to do with it. Personally I loved this one and it was one that caught my eye straight away. More than anything it was Jamieson's final, damning verdict that I enjoyed most.

"She entered with her own soundtrack. Her bouncy stride and fluid hair moving to the rhythm of a private theme tune, her finale a disarming smile." - Kat Wright

One judge commented on how much they loved the image of the 'fluid hair' another on 'entering with her own soundtrack'. I have to admit I too loved that idea, the movement as music, was geet mint, like.

"She's red-haired, red-faced and breathless. Not single – she’s with a list. Shame about the scar across her cheek. It looks like a zip" Rachel Green

The final judge had the final say on this one "I love the 'zip' bit, it's minging, it's such a cool and cruel description!" And yeah, well, can't argue with that either. 

So, congratulations ladies and gentleman, a signed copy is winging it's way to you as we speak, I hope it's worth the effort.

Because here were so many great ones though, I thought I'd include some of the ones so close to getting freebies. So, no books I'm afraid, but much love and respect, yo.

"Inside, she’s Grace Kelly. Cheekbones. Glassy tones. Tulle petticoats . . . Outside, Alan’s bearded, bellied, sweaty-palmed. Rents ‘Rambo’ for the thousandth time – wishes nonetheless."

Megan Taylor - loved the closet transvestite, made me giggle a tiny bit...

"A fan of Ghibli long before Howl’s, she eases rainy Tuesdays with double feature Hitchcock, eyebrow arching as the grimy polyester carpet snags her stiletto. "

 Judith Robson - not just because I, too, am a fan of Ghibli, but mainly for that final "eyebrow arching, snags her stiletto" bit. Loved that image.

Monday, 19 January 2009

Suddenly Deciding That This Isn't The Most Important Thing In The World. Plus: Teething DK Issues

Strange old morning this.

Seems... I dunno... Disjointed? Is that the word I'm grasping for here? It's almost like a Stand-alone Day. As if today is thoroughly unconnected from the rest of time, from life in general.

I don't think I mean this in a day of Momentous Importance type thing, rather as a Day of No Particular Relevance Except That It Arrived, And That It Rained. And That It Was A Day I Took Seriously.

Maybe that's the confusion. I'm not used to taking things seriously. Or, at least, I'm not used to admitting that I am.

It's all very strange.

See, as you (most likely) know 9987, my baby, hits the shelves. Somewhere, I hope, a book shop has opened this morning and it had my book on a shelf. And I'd been planning balloons and parties and fanfares and celebrity appearances and everything. Today's post was going to be mint, properly, massively, kick ass cool. How.

But I dunno.

Maybe, it's because it's raining. Maybe it's because it's a Monday. Maybe because I'm yet to see the book anywhere.

It's not as real as I thought it would be.

Other things are on my mind.

All I've thought about since I was in Primary school, my only, ever, ambition is realised today. I can now, properly, introduce myself as a Writer. Today is a wonderful, drizzling, fog wrapped day.

And I am proud of myself. Which is rare. And it's a good feeling.

But: Other things are on my mind.

I am worried a little, about someone. And, as awful as it sounds, the fact that I am worried is a wonderful thing.

It appears that my priorities may have shifted a little bit.

I love writing, I will always write, even if nothing of mine is ever read by anyone but me I'll continue to scribble notes and sit up late with coffee and keyboard typing and typing and typing.

But, it appears, it may no longer be The Most Important Thing In The World.

It is quite possible that there is something else I am equally passionate about.

It is quite possible that there is something else that I want to give my time to.

It appears that I am taking things seriously. I am, or at least I like to now think of myself - as of today - A Serious Writer. An Actual Writer. And, equally exciting I think, and certainly warranting it's inclusion in this rambling - Not Quite The Launching Post I Expected To Write - post, I am suddenly realising how serious I am about other things.

And it's a little bit scary. And it makes my stomach go all fluffy and odd. And it makes me smile occasionally when no-ones looking. And, this morning, I worry a bit, and hope things will turn out ok, eventually.

Good luck to my baby, but my thoughts are with others. And that, I reckon, is Proper Mint. How.

Plus: Teething DK Issues

Although DK is up and ready for his debut feature, I'm having some problems transferring footage to legage to eyeballage which would, of course, enable you to see.

If you catch my drift...

But it's coming. Honest.

Oh, and before I forget.

Competition results will be announced - hopefully, tonight. The judges were locked still in debate late last night and haven't, as yet, passed on any winners to me. I suspect though, that they have drank all my wine...

Sunday, 18 January 2009

And So Now We Wait...

Ok kids,

That's it, time's up. It's over. Relax. Let it go.

Breathe a little easier.

The competition is now closed, boys and girls. And woah, kids, but I got a few entries.

So... Tomorrow I will announce the results. As I speak my carefully selected panel of judges are arguing and discussing and drinking my wine. I sit patiently and wait for White Smoke.

Tomorrow, my Baby steps out on the shelves. Well, some non-credit crunch shelves anyway. And hopefully it'll make it's way onto your shelf. Next to someone nice I think. I reckon it needs a hug. Just, you know, don't leave them alone together...

Anyway. For now, I've stuff to ponder on and panic about and purchase (I've got some kick ass prizes to give out at the launch).

So, I'll be back tomorrow with a longer, and hopefully, more useful post.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

A Timely Reminder Of Timings And Stuff

Just quickly, because I've a class on it's way - oh woe is me, but you've only got until Saturday to send me entries to the Kick Ass Cool Competition.

I've had quite a few entries already, and they're all really, really good. So, if you feel up to the challenge get them fingers going.

Or, if not, 9987 hits the shelves on Monday peoples, so get their early and join the queues...

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

Fun Things To Be Getting Along With Whilst I'm Busy Juggling Monkeys

Right, so, I've been dead busy of late sorting out odds and ends for me launch. Well, actually, I keep saying MY launch, it's not really, it's a joint launch between me and Sarah Shaw, the other worthy winner of The North New Writers' Prize.

So far I've got an actor hired (oh yes, a real one, with legs and everything), my Most Glorious PR Guru and Chief Maker Of Grins and Treacle Based Puddings has also come up with some proper mint ideas of stuff to play with at the launch too. Plus, of course, she pokes me with sharpened sticks/translates  me when people ask me questions. 

But more of that later...

There are a few things you can be getting on with whilst you wait with barely contained excitement for The Launch.

1. The Most Lovely Caroline has an offer on her cool as Bubblecow badges, the January sales truely are everywhere.

2. The Fantastic Fiona Robyn is giving away preview copies of her much anticipated (and not just byme) novel The Letters. Really really you need to enter this. Honest.

3. As always there is the Wordless Wednesday at Chez Aspie, but for added spice and excitement more debut novels are on their way too, so go look, it's almost all too exciting!

4. And I also quite fancy playing at this too: Megan Taylor is starting up a new Blog Story, the last one was superb and if you fancy stretching those writing fingers it'll be well worth the effort.

5. Lastly, and most biasly, is my Kick Ass Cool Competition

So. No excuses, get them fingers all typy and stuff, and enjoy.

Plus: I'm preparing a Disco Kettle Come Back Tour. With a Video! Wow. Already 2009 is muchos exciting!