Blubbering, Blurbing and Blogging. And Possibly Burping.

Problem Number One: How do you write a blurb for a novel in which you don't name the narrator?

Problem Number Two: How do you explain what your novel is about in two hundred words?

Problem Number Three: How do you produce a personal bio, using just one sentence?

Got to hand it to Tonto - They're keeping me on my toes.

I take a leaf out of my Mentor's book - note the capital letter, the slightly intimidating title which has been bestowed - and go for an extract from the opening (which is now almost sorted and is feeling much better by the way.)

It comes back very quickly.
It wasn't what they were after.

Helpfully they send me some examples, ones they've used recently to help me get into the spirit of things. They all start "Tilly is a single mother..." or "Bob has rabies..." or "Geoff has a beard and dances nightly..."

I appreciate the effort. But it don't make things much easier.

I try a new approach . I try to boil down my story to it's key features. I boil it down to it's key three words:


Love,


Loneliness,


Fantasy. - I toy with 'Lesbian Nurses' - to keep the L thing going - but decide it would lower the tone. I am nothing if not classy, mature and highly motivated. Ask anyone.


This seems a good place to start.


Problem Number Two: How do you explain what your novel is about in two hundred words? - Done. Dead easy, sorted with one hundred and ninety seven words spare.

Next.

Problem Number One: How do you write a blurb for a novel in which you don't name the narrator?

This one is still a pain.

Eventually I find a way through - or around I should say...

I won't spoilt it though - Tonto have a version in their blog they used for the announcement of the winners - if you're really impatient.

As always, I am more concerned with myself.

One sentence?

Just one?

To describe all of me?

All of my wonderful qualities?

I will need a great many commas - and possibly some Semi Colons - to tackle this one.

Again, I boil me down to just three words.

Reduce myself

Until I am hardly even here...

Tall, dark and handsome?

Short, red and round?

Tired, scared and alone?

Excited, exhilarated and extraordinary?

Nothing really fit.

I ended up wimping out.

Teacher

Barman

Lover.

Well alright, not 'lover'.

Occasional.

Teacher, barman, occasional.

That seemed to fit.

Bizarrely it never crossed my mind to put 'Writer.'

So class, tonights homework: Sell your soul in just three words.