Monday, 30 June 2008

The Endless Possibilities of Parallel Niks

Here I am at work. I have a number of items on my to-do-list:

1. Write a scheme of learning for the new Media Studies A Level.
2. Mark the Year Seven Tests.
3. Mark the Year Ten Coursework.
4. Make coffee.

My decision runs thus:

I don't want to write a scheme of learning, or the year seven tests, or any coursework. I will make coffee. It means I cross one thing off my list AND will provide me with nourishment, energy and warmth.

(Now cradling coffee)

I still don't want to tackle numbers one through three. Even if there were three of me, they wouldn't get done. The three of us would just sit around drinking coffee. The only advantage is that I'd have two spares to go and rustle up some biscuits. One to use in meetings maybe. One for family gatherings. Another one could make sure the flat is tidy...

I wonder if I can find a spare me for use on Monday mornings...

I google myself.

I am looking for Spare Niks, not too many miles on the clock, one careful owner who only used him to go to the shops and back.

I'm guessing most people have tried this. I hadn't bothered.

How upsetting will it be to discover the alternate me's are all more successful?

My possibilities for Spare Niks include:

1. An Australian Realty Magnate (unlikely to be able to afford that one, although perhaps I could offer myself up as the spare. Look after his car or something. Maybe break in his new settee.)
2. A Watchmaker (would be handy for intricate tasks - could be issues of eye strain though. Too much risk of wearing out the machinery in that one.)
3. An Anarchist from New Zealand (unlikely to be useful at meetings - but that just makes it very tempting. Shipping from New Zealand could be a problem though.)
4. A 23 Year Old Woman from New York who likes 'Fliii Boys'. (Unlikely to be able to convince people that some days I am female have have changed my ethnic origin. But would be good for confusing the Census people/robot)
5. A 16 Year Old Liverpool Fan (Would be nice to be 16 again, but don't fancy having a version of me kicking about the place in a Liverpool top. Sorry.)
6. Nik Jonesさんと連絡を取る. 登録済みですか? ログイン. 名前: Nik Jones; ネットワーク: London (??)

Not too many options there I think you'll agree.

It's nice to see I have had such a broad existence though. I'm an international citizen, with at least one trade and a couple of professions. I am political, or Anti- political at least. I am still young. I have grown up with different religions and cultural backgrounds. Possibly I speak Japanese, or at least someone in Japan cares about me. I support Liverpool. Which is irritating. It upsets the original me.

The 'original' me?

Thats a tricky one. Some of those me's are older. Some are more successful...

Does this make me a spare one?

Who got there first? The Realter I think.

I am a copy of an Australian Estate Agent.

I am a copy of a watchmaker.

I am a version of an Apple Mac web technician - i didn't mention him. Sorry other me.

My next life? Hunting for 'Fliii boys', cheering on Steven Gerrard.

Coffee is gone. Free lesson almost gone. Luckily for me there is no more time to think about this.

Which one is your favourite version? Quick, quick, pick one. Are any about you? - if you're honest thats the real reason you Googled yourself. You want to feel big and important. Admit it. You resisted the blog - and now you love it. You like the attention. Be a man. Roll with it. Which one is about you?


There are six. Four are connected to this blog (vaguely). But you've found them, so there is no point in showing off is there?

My favourite, non blog, mention of the 'original' me, an actual quotation, in an actual newspaper/letter thingy.

It goes like this:

"Nik Jones from Wolsingham School said, ******[Something about the young people's experience - to be inserted]*******."

I think that sums me up nicely.


SueG said...

Hi. Found you via the wonderful and generous Caroline Smailes. Welcome to our intrepid band of bloggers. Come on over and say hi sometime. Sue

HelenMH said...

Hi - just popped over from Sweet Caroline's blog to say hi, and welcome to the wonderful world of blog!

L-Plate Author said...

Hi Nik, me too. I've just popped over from Caz's blog to say welcome!

You couldn't wish for a better mentor mate, she's a real diamond.

watching9987 said...

Thanks very much peoples. And yes, you're right - she is lovely, and I am lucky.

SpiralSkies said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SpiralSkies said...

Well, I came over from my blog but found you on Nice Caroline's too! You are terribly lucky, she's most clever and ace.

I think I shouldn't be reading your blog at work; it is too interesting.

I'll be back (as that beefy bloke said).