Friday, 22 August 2008

Distractions, Distractions and A Complete Lack of Willpower

Where is all the coffee gone? It is what powers my brain.

You've drank it.

Balls.

Hello, sir. Just the coffee? Is there anything else?

No.

Are you sure? We have some lovely Watercolour flavoured chewing gum.

No. Yes. No.

(A patient pause from smug tilljockey)

Ok then, fine. I'll take the red flavour.

Cashback?

No.

You sure? Not even a tenner?

No.

(A patient pause from smug tilljockey)

Ok, yes,

Hello sir, you look like a man with a tenner. Would you like a pint of Sweaty Whisker Real Ale?

No. I'm busy. Not got my words done. Just needed coffee.

Are you sure? You can really taste the reclaimed farm runoff? Only two quid.

No.

(A patient pause from the all knowing barmonkey)

Ok. Just one though.

Good afernoon young man, you look like a man with eight quid in your pocket. Care for a copy of Radiator Decorator's Monthly?

No. Words. Busy.

Are you sure? It comes with a free Tom Jones In Profile Stencil. Only four ninetynine.

No.

(A patient pause from the unnervingly round magazinepimper)

Ok.

Well hello there, you look like the sort of bloke to have exactly three pounds and a penny in your pocket. Would you care for this delightful ceramic bust of two dogs going at it nasty, which I was about to sell on ebay?

No.

Are you sure. It has nipples on?

No.

(A patient pause from the ebaybotherer)

Ok then. But I want it in a bag.

Bing?

No. Too busy. Words.

Bing?

No.

(A patient pause from the Disco Kettle.)

Ok fine.

6 comments:

Caroline said...

You were buying coffee in a pub?
I am so proud.
x

DJ Kirkby said...

You are soooo funny. Erm...I mean funny, 'ha, ha', not funny 'ga, ga'...oh sod it, I'll go now shall I?

SpiralSkies said...

Poor Disco Kettle. All that talk of nipples and sweaty whiskers is enough to uncoil its elements.

They don't mention any of this in the writers' manuals, do they?

watching9987 said...

Caroline: Oh... No... I should really have used a paragraph or two to suggest the changes of scenes. Or at least some apostrophies. For no reason. Like this: It's handle was all sticky. Hehe x

DJ: If you havdn't suggested the 'ga ga' i would have just asumed the 'ha ha'. But i'll let you off :)

SpiralSkies: No, I know. They should mention these things. At the very least they shouldsuggest a checklist of things you need to have handy so as to minimise your distractions...

Chris said...

Im bemused as to why you're buying cermamic busts of dogs. That said, they do do strange things in that Consett place...

watching9987 said...

Chris - believe me, that was a tame trip to the shops by Consett standards...