Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Answering Sensible Questions, Plus: I Do Some Maths

Bit of an odd thing this.
Well, no, not very odd. Quite understandable really. Perhaps what I mean is this:
Bit of a frustrating thing this.

Here, on my blog, I can say, pretty much what ever it is I want to say. I don't always, because of course some statements are definitely better off being left in my head. But I could if I wanted to.

See, here, I'm quite happy saying things about 9987. I don't, not often, I am fairly comfortable doing it. For example:

It is mint it is mint it is mint it is mint.

See? Very easy to do.

Meet me face to face however and it's another thing entirely.
Slowly word has crept around friends and family, family friends and friend's families, friend's of friend's and people I work with, or have once worked with, or went to school with. Etc. This, I tell myself, Can Only Be A Good Thing. People are interested. People tell me they are already preordering (I was, briefly, in the top 40,000 list on Amazon..)

But, increasingly, people have started asking me questions. Have started being interested and wanting to talk to me about it.

This is muchos bizarre. Tres weird. Geet unsettling, how.

They say lovely things like: Congratulations, I heard you're getting published. You must be proper chuffed, how.

I nod and smile.

Then they ask quite sensible questions, things like: So, what's it about then?

And I'm stumped. And I blush. And I try not to make eye contact and mutter stupid things. Sometimes I say:

Lesbian Nurses.

Then they, too, avoid eye contact.

Sometimes I say:

Loneliness. Lust and Unrequited Love

And they say 'Aawww' and I see the pity in their eyes.

Sometimes I say:

Obsession.

Sometimes I say:

Murder

But never do I say this all at once. And never with any explanation. And always with the suffix - Sorry, I'm parked on a double yellow, I'll catch you later.

Face to face, I'm fairly crap. Ask about someone else's book. Ask me about SAT's revision or GCSE coursework. Ask me about football. Ask me why my flies are undone or why I'm wearing a dressing gown in the middle of the street. Ask my why I'm cradling a Disco Kettle and pointing out the sights to it. Anything else I can do.

This is a bit of a problem...

So I've done some Maths. By choice. On my own. And I've shown the workings out.

I have 172 Days until 9987 is released.

I have 172 Days until I really, really have to be able to talk about my book without feeling like a tosser.

I have 172 Days until I really need to be out of my corner and into a spotlight, even if only briefly.

I have 172 Days.

Balls.



Before my Great Big Assault On The Spotlight though, I would very much like to promote someone else.

Caroline Smailes' Novella 'Disraeli Avenue' is now available for Pre-Order. It'll be out in time for Christmas, it's proceeds are going to a very, very good cause, ad if you loved In Search Of Adam as much as I did it will, I'm sure, be worth every penny. For more info stop by Caroline's blog.

16 comments:

Caroline said...

Your answer (to everything) should always be 'lesbian nurses'.

x

ps - you are lovely x

B said...

Yes, I think V and I noticed that in Mario's. (It does also crack me up that we went to a restaurant named after the club in Roz's book.) When you went all nervous and cagey when I asked. Funny that you couldn't claim to be parked on a double yellow then!

You do realise that what you tell people the book's about doesn't have to be TRUE, right? You can tell them all kinds of guff and they will spend hoursandhours reading and trying to figure out how. Fun, no?

Geet unsettling? You cracketh me up-eth.

I'll cheerlead for you getting out of your corner and having a bright shining spotlight. I'm sure Cas will join in too?

watching9987 said...

Caroline - You're right, of course. I should just make up a new T Shirt with Lesbian Nurses emblazened in luminous lettering which i can reveal whenever people ask.

And yes. I am lovely x

b - Dammit! I thought, in your desperate attempt to fill the space around us with words, that you hadn't noticed my inability to aswer questions. I was trying (successfully I thought) to distract you with ridiculous comments that sent you and V off in wild tangents. :)

B said...

Sorry. I am difficult to fool. Even when I've imbibed my entire body weight in wine :) Also, you started looking shifty as soon as I asked - nothing is more certain to grab my attention :)

I wasn't just filling the space around *us* with words. I was aiming for the entire universe. Of course, if I stopped talking so much, I might write more.....

And V and I can go off on the wildest of tangents entirely on our own. In fact, compared to her and her friend L, I am an amateur!

Although we did actually nearly die laughing looking at this on Saturday. If we'd been drinking, it could have been fatal.

Stephen said...

Don't worry about it. It doesn't get any better once it's published. There I sit with the book in front of me and a random punter says 'What's it about?'
Er...er...er...can I not be me around now. Why can't you just buy it and find out what it's about? Stop pestering me...

DJ Kirkby said...

I'm with Stephen and you on this one...I fear that I will NEVER be able to answer that question without losing a book sale.

Chris said...

You can practice your 'my book is fucking mint' speech on me if you wish. It'll cost you a pint* like.

*Orange and water, of course.

watching9987 said...

b - I've seen that before kicking about, and you're right. It is dangerously funny...

Stephen - That's good. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Of course ideally i could tackle people in the steet and charm/trick them into buying it... But hey, if not i can aim for the Reclusive Cult Author tag eh?

DJ - See, yeah, thats the thing. I'm terrified i'll put them off by giving too much info, or under sell it by being to vague... Perhaps I should just carry copies of the blurb around and hand them out...

Chris - I'm not buying you a pint, even of orange and water, until you either keep a clean sheet (when on my team) or allow me to score a hattrick (when against)... Your move...

SpiralSkies said...

You have to be careful about going off on tangents. One day you may become confused and go off on a tangerine and then where would we be?

I recommend the wearing of a macrame balaclava and a waxed moustache. People will be too scared to ask you anything then.

watching9987 said...

SpiralSkies - That is a most cunning idea, bring together too of my most favourite things, Disguises and Comedy Facial Hair... Could i also add a top hat do you think? Or a trilby?

Chris said...

Hoo like.

Alkaline Trio songs...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqHZF8QYHCc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFmFMhyJvPY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKFHKEh1eic

the user made videos are shit, but the songs are fantastic.

B said...

I've had a lot of wine again. So I thought I'd drop in to say hi. Hi!

*waves*

Caroline said...

Just to add.

Got asked what ISoA was about last night and I replied, " Oh .. erm ... it's a bit dark and not very good. I wouldn't bother, really." Then went very red.

That should have secured a sale!
And I'm supposed to be the Mentor!

x

DJ Kirkby said...

Big lol to Spiral Skies and Caroline's comments.

SpiralSkies said...

I do believe a bowler hat would be just the ticket for such a super combination.

watching9987 said...

Caroline - you are truely an inspiration :)