Monday, 1 September 2008

Balls To Employment, Plus DK Cocks Up, And I Erect A Tent (not really, just wanted one more penis reference in the title.)

Mostly:

Here is my plan...

I play football on a Friday. Well, I stand on the pitch and run about a bit. Sometimes I fall over. But anyway - some of our Sixth Formers play with us.

They started asking me when they were due back for lessons.

So I made up a date, somewhere toward the middle of the month.

A friend of mine has a daughter who is in my form. They started asking when they were due back for lessons.

So I made up a date, somewhere toward the middle of the month.

Do you see what doing there?

The Head of Year 11 rang me to ask when we were due back to start lessons.

I told him we went back last week.

It amuses and confuses me that people continue to have faith in my Work Abilities. It astounds me that no one seems to have realised that I am, wholly and spectacularly, useless.

But, of course, no matter how useless and inefficient I become, no matter how honed my Looking Busy Skills may be, it still cuts into writing time. I still have to turn up physically, even if rarely mentally.

So I thought long and hard (more penis jokes... always witty)

I may have solved this. I may have found a way to sit with my laptop, to wear my dressing gown, to slurp at my coffee, and never set foot in Work again.

I've bought a Lifesize Cardboard Cutout of myself.

Of course of it's own this would mean very little, no one will be convinced. It's just stupid. Yes?
Ahhh, but no, see. Because, right, this CardBored Me, right, comes with a speech bubble. Oh yes. So I scribble on something witty and/or inspiring and that'll seal the deal. No one will be any the wiser. I'm thinking of "Work harder, especially you Connor..."

Foolproof.

Plus:

DK: Bing

(slurp)

Me: This is cold.

DK: ...?...

Me: You're not funny.

12 comments:

SpiralSkies said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SpiralSkies said...

The trouble with these veiled penis jokes is that we will start to expect it. Willy or won't 'e?

Erm. Sorry.

DJ Kirkby said...

The thing I like best about your blog posts is the reliably mature overtones. It is always reassuring to be reminded that teachers such as yourself are leading our children forth into devloping their adult personas...must remember to give N3S's teacher a good poking at the start of term to make sure he is not just cardboard.

watching9987 said...

Spiralskies: Thats the spirit! and just be pleased they are unveiled penis jokes *giggles*

DJ: I am clearly a role model for the youth of today :)

Chris said...

Twas me who asked when we go back.

I still don't know.

And by the sounds of it, you need a new DK. Dare I suggest a trip to Ikea or Argos? Do you have them in Consett? You have everything else. I mean, KFC, in Consett. You'll be telling me you have a Cinema* next!

*Please don't tell me you have a cinema.

P(eni)S - I can't think of a penis joke. In fact this is my best effort.

Megan said...

Did your cut-out return to school today?
Did it work - or did it
flop?

watching9987 said...

Chris - not a bad effort there, and yes, we have a cinema. it has a bar in it.

Megan - hello again. Excellent penis joke, i doff my hat to you, and thankfully no, it returns tomorrow to be performance managed. Can it perform under pressure?

Megan said...

btw 30,000 words!!! That's rather amazing. I am very impressed, but will you teachers please hurry up and go back to school (though your cut-outs would be fine) so I can write some words again, 500 would do
megan x
ps I am sure it will stand up magnificently (;

KatW said...

I'm back home and have soooooooo missed reading your blog!! I've been catching up a little and am very excited that your book is available for pre-order.

Kat :-)

Chris said...

Does this cardboard cut out mean I wont have to go to the Spar for you now?

watching9987 said...

Megan - I'm quietly and smugly pleased with myself. And you'll be pleased to know the kids are back on Monday. Which will make Tuesday myfirst sickday of the year...

Hopefully we can find you the time to write :)

Kat - Hello, welcome back and thankyou, I fear I've gotten a bit ruder thoughsince you left. Hence the Penis Jokes...

Chris - Going to the Spar was/is your most useful quality during lessons. That and your Coffee preparation. Although your comments during Semiotics was always pretty good.

Anyway, I shared out the biscuits, what more do you want?

Chris said...

"Anyway, I shared out the biscuits, what more do you want?"

A passing grade in Sociology :D, a hat trick on Friday and an orange and water, please.

And with that, I bid you farewell, see you at 4 and good luck getting another few thousand words done for Novel number 2 :)