Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Opening the Boot of my Car...

Throughout the summer the boot of my car has remained unopened.

I was, vaguely, aware that there was a reason for this. I was, vaguely, conscious of the fact that I had made that decision - to stay out of the boot of my car. There was, I think, some fear there. Something, something deep and dark and possibly wet in my head whispered and hissed whenever I approached.

This fear did not extend to the boots of other people's cars. No shivers, no creeping itchiness tickling at my spine when other people opened their boots. In fact I even travelled between pubs in one friends boot. Didn't bother me at all. Bit cramped, yes, wasn't easy to hold my pint upright I admit, but scary? Whey nah.

I couldn't quite figure it out. I don't think I wanted to figure it out. 

Shopping for one, it all fits on the front seat.

Travelling bags for one, it all fits nicely across the back seats.

Transporting peoples from A to B. That's what seats are for. And with bags? That's what laps are for.

It is, lets be honest here, very easy to never use the boot of your car when you have no dependents/desire to clothes shop for days at a time.

First day at work, I admit, I was tempted to open that boot. But I was strong. So laptop, iBook on an extended - very extended loan, box of new books with which to line my shelves, selection of new posters, jacket, tazer. All of it fit neatly onto the back seat. All nice and cosy.

By this point I think I'd already decided that whatever was in there was going to stay there. I had deduced, cos I'm proper clever me, how, that the boot of my car must contain one of the following:

1. My football kit.
2. The remains of numerous packed lunches.
3. A nest of small rodents, possibly mice or frogs.
4. Bags of things that were meant to go to the tip.
5. A body. Possibly belonging to a former co-worker/student.

But one by one, since work has returned these have proven to be untrue.

1. Friday came. I played football, wearing my kit - not pants and vest - and kit was clean. Ish.
2. The remains of numerous packed lunches were, in fact, being stored in my former filing cabinet. Former because it had been liberated from my lair by the new Head of Drama. He wasn't best chuffed, like.
3. No unusual noises, brakes and lights still worked, nothing had eaten through the back of the seats in a desperate bid for freedom.
4. Stuff destined for the tip is, still, littered around the porch.
5. (So far) all staff and students accounted for. Did wonder briefly when the Head of Music was missing for first two days, but has since been spotted wearing a white panama and a waistcoat.

So I had no choice did I?

Tonight, as the sun slunk miserably behind the moors, beneath brooding back clouds, I opened the boot

I sooooo wish it had been a body.


Hands up please if you know what this is.

Yes, you at the back? No not you. The not so greasy one. Yes?
That's right. Have a gold star.
You are absolutely right.

It is, in fact, the pile of coursework I took home to mark over the summer.

And yes, for a second star? Fantastic. That is spot on.

You're right. It is due back to the class tomorrow so they can redraft in time for the Deadline.

Can we go to the pub? Yes. Yes, I think we'd better...


B said...

I knew it was going to be marking immediately. What else could strike such fear into your heart?

watching9987 said...

Well - you know, soldiers dread getting shot, fireman of being trapped in a burning building, teachers of marking... But, by the way, thanks you for begin my first (and only) follower :) x

Caroline said...

You are SO in the wrong job!

And now people will see it on your blog and you will be sacked!!!! Or is that your cunning plan ... then you can get compensation ... genius!

I came here via the widget. I am rather thrilled.


watching9987 said...

Wow - does that suggest some sort of subconscious link between us? Or do you, like me, simply prefer custard to cream?

And, actually, to be honest i like most of my job - the classroom bit especially. I'm just horribly unorganized and so let things pile pile and pile up and then fill my bin...

Not a great plan I know but I'm yet to find a better solution...

KatW said...

Oh poop! You do tell a good story. Had me hooked. Can't wait to read 9987. Kat :-)

B said...

so what would you rather... your head of school finding your blog or your students? i didn't add it to the widget, seemed a little specific :)

DK Green said...

the widget sent me here!

~laughs~ at this heaps. Also leapt a bit when I saw 'drank heaps of DK's coffee'... and had to check I didn't know you personally.

~doffs cap~

Leigh said...

I got directed by a widget and stayed to read your exciting boot post. Had me in suspense! Did you get the marking done in the end?

Trixie said...

So after the pub, you played with the widget instead of marking the papers?

Glad it sent me here, LOVE your writing!

Lady in red said...

another widget here

did enjoy reading this is the rest of it just as good?

of course I couldn't guess what was in your boot until near the end as I had no idea you were a teacher.

But there have been times when I have avoided opening the boot of my car too.

Chris said...

Its a good job I don't do coursework or some of mine might have been there.

HelenMH said...

Lovely widget sent me here, and your post made me laugh!

Ken said...

Yep another one that is glad the black box brought me here.

watching9987 said...

Holy Crap there are Hundreds of you...

Kat - thank you very much, always a pleasure you have you stop by

B - i dunno, no danger of either really. The Head regularly forgets who I am. (which is fine - enjoy making her uncomfortable by holding a file or something over my name badge while she desperately tries to read it...)

DK - you must be massively chuffed to share my kettle initials - it is a mot impressive kettle, and thanks for stopping by.

Leigh - Never! that is what "Self Evaluation" lessons are for...

Trixie - That is uncanny. How did you guess?

L.I.R - Oh, it's all good. I promise, and yes - they seem to attract the things you least want to deal with don't they?

Chris - Well... Yeah... What can i say?

Helenmh - Thank you for reading, I'm glad i raised a giggle.

Ken - Again, muchos cheers for turning up and even more so for reading.

Right... Im'knackered now

Roz Wyllie said...

I am hopeless at connecting and sayign hello at the end of your lovely blogs - but be assured I am out here reading and giving high fives!!!

rashbre said...

There must be a form of marking with slightly elliptical comments that could be good or bad...or mournful or jubilant..

"an interesting and somewhat transitional interpretation of the theme"
"unusual style in parts offset by convention in others, appropriate for this type of assignment"
"had me guessing in parts of the narrative"

enough widgeting on rashbre