Thursday, 11 September 2008

A Proper Educational Debate On The Benefits of Caffeine and the Evils of Free Cheese


Since I'm back in the swing of things now, educating this, lecturing on that, inspiring a little here and there - mostly there, I admit - I thought I'd quickly share some things that I have learnt this week.

1. The Benefits of Caffeine.

Ah, where to begin? 

Well, firstly, in a building that remain heatingless until October the First - which is, apparently, the date when the weather will begin to turn and our glorious summer will end. So be aware - it keeps my hands warm, all wrapped tight around my mug.

Secondly, holding a cup of coffee in indisputable truth that it is, in fact, biscuit time. When wandering the corridors stuffing my face with Caramel Digestives I get frowned upon. When I do exactly the same holding my coffee people smile and nod and are bizarrly friendly. Possibly they are after their own coffee and biscuits. This is a hint I refuse to take.

Thirdly, children hate the smell of black coffee. Really. Thus black coffee is an ideal way to protect said Caramel Digestives. Simply waft your coffee mug toward the biscuit packet and watch them scarper, leaving you with all the biscuits in the world.

Lastly, it is, I'm fairly sure, what keeps me from death.


2. The Evils of Free Cheese.

This is not just a: don't eat the free stuff from the Deli type thing. 

I think we all now that Morrison's lace their free cheese with heroin to provide you with instant, orgasmic gratification and an immediate addiction which no amount of cheddar will quench, no matter how often you eat it, how many different dishes you add it to or how often you rub it across your chest.

No no. This is a: Don't be fooled by the free cheese and crackers at the pub. It will make you thirsty, thirstier than you have ever been before.

Then very sick.

Very.

All over the place.

It will also make your place of work fall over and wibble the next morning, it will make the furniture kick you in the leg and will give you head aches.

That is all.

Class dismissed...

8 comments:

B said...

dairy is evil. cheese is the work of satan.

have you been teaching hungover? naughty naughty.... *giggles*

Kate said...

Hurrah!

I finally made it here via the widget!

I come here and read anyway, but doing it by widget is sooooo much fun!

(note to self, too many !!!!!!!)

Kate said...

Oh and, coffee = yuck. cheese = heaven (as long as it's decent cheese, we're not talking Kraft singles here)

DJ Kirkby said...

Lol, suffered a bit did you? There, there... oh and you can have my digestives 'cos I have been told by my evil GP that I have to go on a diet :(

DJ Kirkby said...

There is an award for you over at mine.

Chris said...

1 - what is this widget people speak of?

2 - Coffee is horrid.

3 - Caramel biscuits are lush. FACT.

trousers said...

Well presented, sage advice - though cheese is always hard to resist.

The widget brought me.

watching9987 said...

b - I never teach hung over. Instead i spend the day encouraging "Quiet Reading"...

Kat - Yey! Does this mean you also choose dead tree books over ebooks? But really? Coffee = yuck... Thats some dangerous thinking you've got going on there :)

DJ - Sorry you're biscuitless, although since I'm having your share I'm not that sorry. Oh, and cheers muchos for my Award. I am dead impressed and will be putting it up asap.

Chris - (sigh) Right...
1. The widget is mint and is the "decide" box thingy to the right. NO, down a bit. Bit more. Yeah.
2. You are wrong but -
3. Well recovered

Trousers - hello, muchos gracias for hanging about. I've never called "sage" before. But I like it. I might add it to my name badge...