Balls To Employment, Plus DK Cocks Up, And I Erect A Tent (not really, just wanted one more penis reference in the title.)

Mostly:

Here is my plan...

I play football on a Friday. Well, I stand on the pitch and run about a bit. Sometimes I fall over. But anyway - some of our Sixth Formers play with us.

They started asking me when they were due back for lessons.

So I made up a date, somewhere toward the middle of the month.

A friend of mine has a daughter who is in my form. They started asking when they were due back for lessons.

So I made up a date, somewhere toward the middle of the month.

Do you see what doing there?

The Head of Year 11 rang me to ask when we were due back to start lessons.

I told him we went back last week.

It amuses and confuses me that people continue to have faith in my Work Abilities. It astounds me that no one seems to have realised that I am, wholly and spectacularly, useless.

But, of course, no matter how useless and inefficient I become, no matter how honed my Looking Busy Skills may be, it still cuts into writing time. I still have to turn up physically, even if rarely mentally.

So I thought long and hard (more penis jokes... always witty)

I may have solved this. I may have found a way to sit with my laptop, to wear my dressing gown, to slurp at my coffee, and never set foot in Work again.

I've bought a Lifesize Cardboard Cutout of myself.

Of course of it's own this would mean very little, no one will be convinced. It's just stupid. Yes?
Ahhh, but no, see. Because, right, this CardBored Me, right, comes with a speech bubble. Oh yes. So I scribble on something witty and/or inspiring and that'll seal the deal. No one will be any the wiser. I'm thinking of "Work harder, especially you Connor..."

Foolproof.

Plus:

DK: Bing

(slurp)

Me: This is cold.

DK: ...?...

Me: You're not funny.